Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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