He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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