a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
