I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
