Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
