Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
