I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
