blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
two words...techno handjob
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
