I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
