I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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