Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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