Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
