If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize