plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
