Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
