He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
