are you so shy because you have an std?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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