I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A+ Viking dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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