i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
