Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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