So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
