lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
