so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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