things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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