The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize