Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
