Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
