I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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