she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
