My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
