I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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