Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize