My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
