Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
