So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize