Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
