i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
false alarm, still single
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
