bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
