So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
