My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
