So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize