Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
