Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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