May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
