I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
