i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize