We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
