Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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