Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
