watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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