I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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