He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize