So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
