I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my being single is dangerous.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
