There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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