the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
