let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
