someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
