eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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