i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my mouth tastes like poor choices
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
