areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
