That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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