how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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