I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize