Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
