Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
