Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
