I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How's work?
Spinning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
