I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
