I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
