Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
