he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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