they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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