I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
