matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
