Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
