1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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