sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
