did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize