help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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