Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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