So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
