a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
