Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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