happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
