Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
