If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
