is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
