Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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