I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
