I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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