Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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