lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
