I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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