Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are a genius and a whore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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