also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
