dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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