I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
