You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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