is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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