I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
