I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
