the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
