the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
