Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
