Joe is yelling at the trees again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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