Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
